Livin for the Weekend: How you know you're having a wedding

So, not ALL of these pictures are from the weekend, but these are some of my wedding-related ones from the past 10 days.

 

•  My good friend Amy and her husband (she's a newlywed of three months!!) stopped into town for a brief visit.  She and her husband are moving to Colorado from Brazil tomorrow.
• I've been getting a lot of good practice writing my new-last name. Many, many forms to fill out.  Hopefully, I'll be done with all the changes by the end of the month.
• I got my hair did!  Yay! I look beautiful again. 
• The cat helped, sort of, with table numbers.
• And the beauti-mous wedding dress made out of toilet paper from last weekend's bachelorette party.  Mermaid one-shoulder.  You want it.
   

In other news, wedding this Saturday.
In other, OTHER news, my baby sissy Danyelle graduates high school today!  Love you, boo.  You're my baby forever :)

The many faces of Danyelle.

 

Last Single Weekend

8 Days 'Til the Wedding

This weekend Ben's groomsmen and friends are celebrating his bachelor-hood at a hotel and casino in West Virginia.  So, except for family and friends that live nearby, and the cat who lives with me, I'll be by myself.  I'll get to experience a bachelorette weekend just one more time.  

Last weekend, I enjoyed my bachelorette festivities.  I think Ben and I were surprised and incredibly honored that our wedding party even decided to do anything for us, given that we couldn't nail down what dates we were available because of this whole kidney transplant situation.  The groomsmen and the bridesmaids have had multiple dates, ideas, events planned and partially scheduled over the past six months, only to have my failing kidneys stomp on their dreams of having an amazing bachelor/ette weekend celebration.  My bridal shower was already cancelled/postponed, so I was prepared for the same thing to happen with my bachelorette party.  But no, I have great friends and sisters who just wouldn't let the party die.  A partial gathering of my bridal party convened in New York City for A) a drag show; B) dancing at Webster Hall, an experience that really can't be recreated ever again because it was just that special; and C) covering one of my drunk sisters in a  mermaid, one-shoulder wedding dress made out of toilet paper that probably should have been saved, preserved and sold in a wedding shop somewhere.  It was that good.  Then naturally, we had brunch the next day, and I was visited by two more sweet people who I wish I got to see more.  Laughs and smiles...and chocolate...were shared by all.  

Throughout the weekend, as the phrases "you're getting married!" and "I'm getting married!!" were unleashed nearly every hour at the top of the hour, my excitement for the wedding and this next chapter in my life grew.  But at least once a day, I felt a strange pang.  I don't know what it was. It wasn't sadness or anger.  It was the gentle nudge, a reminder that after getting married, things will change.  I can't put my finger on how exactly they will change, but I know they will.  That's what happens when you graduate into the next phase of life.  While we were at Webster Hall, dancing in a circle surrounded by shirtless, sweaty guys high on...life...and glow sticks, and strobe lights, I thought, "This is the last time it will be like this."  Mostly, because I'm not sure if we're ever going to that club again.  But also because you can't get back moments in time. You just have to cherish them, take pictures on your iPhone, take it all in, and remember how hard you were laughing because that will help rebuild the memory of that extraordinary moment.  Someday I hope I'll be laughing really hard with my sisters, or my college roommate, or my friend from high school and say "Hey, remember that time we went to Webster Hall?" and we'll laugh even harder.

 

So how will I be enjoying this final bachelorette weekend?  Gettin my hair did, finally, then doing [multiple] projects for the wedding.  Grocery shopping, one of my fave pastimes because I'm obsessed with cooking. And hopefully making it out to church.  I know this won't be my last weekend alone, ever, without my spouse nearby.  But now that the wedding is getting closer, I'm getting more sentimental and sappy and thinking more and more about "the last" of everything.  I guess this next week will be filled with lasts.  Let's start by making this "the last" blog post on the last single thing I ever do.  Cheers.

Confessions of a Transplant Patient-- I Still Worry

1 Month 4 Days with Kidney

"I'm still scared," I said to Ben while we lie awake in bed, moments before we both drifted off to sleep.  Ben asked me what I was scared of. 

I've had this awesome, wonderfully functioning kidney for over a month now.  I feel great.  I've never had this much energy, without COFFEE might I add.  I'm waking up early with minimal resistance, and going through the entire day working, running errands, making dinner, doing chores, without wanting to take a nap.  I feel alive and not dull, sleepy, or sluggish.  But behind all this strength and feeling great and toddler-like bouts of energy,  I still feel scared that every day is my last day feeling like this; that every day could be my last day with my dad's kidney.

Since the transplant, I've been going to clinic twice and now once a week to have blood drawn, urine tested, and to meet with the post-op nephrologist, my nurse, and the surgeons to see how I'm doing.  Everything is going well.  Blood pressure is down and normal, and I'm only on 10 milligrams of BP medicine.  My hemoglobin and hematocrit are slowly rising; basically, I have blood now.  And the surgical glue has finally peeled off my wound to reveal a nicely healing scar on my stomach that's halfway covered up by my underwear.  These are the makings of a kidney transplant success story.

Everything is going so well that I feel a little embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I still worry about the future.  There's a little seed in my mind that's taking root and funneling  anxiety into all my positive thoughts.  

I was reminded yesterday, and it wasn't to scare me, that I am one of the people who is at a very high risk for redeveloping my type of kidney disease, FSGS, in my transplanted kidney. FSGS is the reason I had to get the transplant in the first place.    And if it does recur in my dad's kidney, it could be slow or it could be quick, and I'll be back in the same place I was a year ago.  This is what scares me: not knowing if or when this will happen.

Over that last few weeks these thoughts have been fleeting, something that crossed my mind but I immediately dismissed in an effort to not "claim it" like my mom and grandmother always say.  But two nights ago while staring at the ceiling, confessing my fear to Ben, I felt the first tremor of panic and uneasiness in my chest, and the sinking feeling of sadness in my stomach. I ran my hand over my kidney, as if I was trying to keep it from falling out of the closed incision, or trying to protect it and shelter it from a possible fate.  Now that I have it, I don't ever want to lose it.

I don't know how long I will have this kidney.  It is my dream to be one of the lifers that my nurse told me about, the patients who have their transplanted kidney for 30 or even 40 years.  To quote Oprah, what I know for sure:

• worrying gets you absolutely nowhere;
• with or without a kidney transplant, I should try to live in the moment of each day, not in anticipation of the next; 
• God is faithful.  He knows all things and controls all things, and without Him I am devastatingly lost.

Every morning I run my hand over my stomach and examine the scar in the mirror. I take my blood pressure. Normal.  I take my temperature. Normal. I check my ankles and eyes for swelling. None. And I take my first 20 pills of the day.  Another day with my dad's kidney.  And I'm thankful. 

"This is why I tell you:  do not be worried about the food and drink you need in order to stay alive, or about clothes for your body. After all, isn't life worth more than food?  And isn't the body worth more than clothes?  Look at the birds:  they do not plant seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in heaven takes care of them!  Aren't you worth much more than birds?  Can any of you live a bit longer by worrying about it?"   Matthew 6:25-27 (GNT)

"So do not start worrying:  'Where will my food come from?  or my drink? or my clothes?' These are the things the pagans are always concerned about.  Your Father in heaven knows that you need all these things."   Matthew 6:31-32

Wedding Planning-- Ben's View

Hey Y'all!  Jewel, here. I'm elbow-deep in last-minute wedding details.  We are just 10 DAYS away from the wedding and I'm still checking off items on my checklist.  While I'm gettin things done, Ben has graciously agreed to bless us with another guest post on the blog today.  Enjoy! 

Note to self:  don't write a blog post when you are riding a roller coaster of emotions.  My first post out of the gate is a smattering of stress-filled cliches and overreactions.  Sure, it accurately depicts what happens to a man when he overdoses on emotion and under-doses on sleep, but not the first impression I was hoping to present.

My name is Ben. I love football, I work with computers and I'm usually not very excitable (Jewel has enough of that trait for both of us).  In fact, Jewel and I have almost nothing in common outside of both being carbon-based life forms.  It stems way beyond just the obvious white guy/black girl conversation.  At the risk of sounding corny, we really are each others missing puzzle pieces; yin and yang (how appropriately color coded).

So consider the trials that awaited me about a year ago when the hardcore wedding planning started.  How was the mild-mannered procrastinating IT nerd going to cooperate with a sassy, calls-no-man-mister, planning machine?  Not well, apparently.

Forget about all the doctors appointments and fretting over transplants, finding common ground on wedding details has been quite difficult.  Don't get me wrong:  for small stuff we make a great team.
What couch should we buy?  "The grey one", you say?  Cool lets do it.
Need a new TV?  "I yield to your expertise."
What shade of yellow should we use for the wedding day napkins?
World War Frickin' III.

If I say Mustard Yellow, its gotta be Goldenrod.  If I come around and say, "You're right, Goldenrod works," then suddenly its hideous and Sunbeam Yellow is the new hotness.

At first it bugged me.  Why were all my ideas instantly paralleled with bad ideas?  Did I really have a bad sense of what looked good or what song would be good for an entrance or when certain events should take place?  In the end were these attacks against my personality?  Was our marriage doomed to fail before it began?!

But then I realized something:  why was I suddenly deciding that it was a bad thing for Jewel and I to be different?  We are, in fact, opposites.  Jewel has the uncanny ability to stay awake during meetings with the florist, something I will never have. Jewel also doesn't forget important dates and times.  In fact, Jewel was BUILT for this kind of work.  

But you want to know what Jewel can't do?  She can't do arithmatic.  She can't lift heavy objects.  And she certainly can't handle a mouse in the apartment.  So I've decided that in some cases compromising can actually be a bad thing.  Sometimes you just have to let the pros do what pros do.

I'm glad to know that the weaknesses in my own life are mitigated by the presence of an awesome gal and at the same time I feel happy that I can be there for her when she falls short.  Like when she downloads a virus on the computer...again...for the 3rd time. 

Wedding Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday

12 Days 'Til the Wedding

Sometimes you're so busy trying to complete things for the wedding before you return to working full time that you just don't have time to write a decent blog post.  That was my week last week.  I could feel the weight of an eight hour workday looming in the future bearing down on me.  Every day as I made to-do list after to-do list, staring at the clock, I groaned every time another hour passed by.  How could a task that was supposed to take 10 minutes turn into 50 minutes?  How did a month off work suddenly turn into only two days left of my month-long break?  How did a year, six months, or 2 months left in an engagement become less than two weeks until the wedding?!  Less than two weeks! Ahh!   

I would do a run-down of everything that got accomplished last week, but I almost feel like last week was so chaotic that I don't even remember what I did.  I know I did some painting for our table numbers.   I know I dropped off a copy of our homemade design for the Quaker Marriage Certificate at FedEx so that it could be printed.  I sent off a few more checks, officially completing payments to six out of the nine vendors that Ben and I hired.  I typed up some more timelines and instructions for my vendors and had my final meeting with the venue and my day of coordinator and her assistant to talk about how everything is going to go down on the wedding day.  I just have to come through with my end of the deal (providing napkins and my DIY items) and everything should run smoothly. 

OH, and I plan to write a blog post about this later, but the ladies in my wedding party through me a pretty fun bachelorette party in New York City this past weekend.  It was kind of awesome and one of the best times I've had in a really long time.  Really long time.  

This week is another big DIY week, because apparently it takes me like 10 hours to paint 20 signs, even with Ben's help.  I guess I'm just lazy, or trying too hard to make everything look perfect. Actually, I'm just not good at painting so doing up a little sign in black is like running a marathon for me.  Yet, I'm doing it, because it's cheaper than buying them already made (seriously, I got these boards for a dollar).

I'm going to try to give more updates on what's happening, since I feel like this is such a pivotal week. Because next week, the week OF the wedding, I want to be doing as little as possible to keep myself from stressing out, and just reflecting on how my days of being a single lady are just ticking away.  I also started my name-change paperwork last week, and seeing my current name on the "former name" lines are kind of a reality check for me.  

It's funny because today is actually Ben's and my date-ivarsary.  We started dating June 3, 2005, two weeks after I took him to my senior prom.  And for our year-one celebration we got each other season passes to King's Dominion.  This year, Ben and I decided not to do anything big to celebrate. I guess we could do something extravagant to mark this monumental occasion:  this really is the last time we'll "celebrate" June 3.  We could have a "Goodbye June 3" ceremony.  But ain't nobody got time to plan a wedding and a "Goodbye June 3" ceremony.  But I'll say it here:  goodbye June 3.  Thank you for the awesome dinners and trips that were experienced and gifts that were given on this day to commemorate the agreement that Ben and I made to foolishly become exclusive the summer before I left for college, and then not date anyone else for the eight years that followed.   Thanks for the cards.  Thanks for the cuddles.  Thanks for the memories. It's been fun.  It's been real.  Now, on to the next! 

Special Treat Wednesday:  My other half returns to the blog.