Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

OK, just to get it all out in the open:  I'm a spoiled brat.  I grew up in a family where my dad's job in the military made it so we moved every couple of years and my dad received a decent amount of annual vacation.  So basically, we always took a family vacation during the summers, a couple weeks after school let out.  I think I can remember maybe one year that we didn't go on any sort of trip, even a brief one.  My "vacation upbringing" plays a big role in why I am the way I am.  

a tiny plane

Since I started working at my job, when I received my first 10-day allotment of annual leave, I set my sights on using that leave for vacations and trips as often as possible.  So it's not a surprise that I saved up a good chunk of annual leave and a medium chunk of money for our planned honeymoon to Greece, originally scheduled for June 2013. 

Honeymoon starts now

The TV commercials tell us that a couple has a wedding, they say the vows, exchange the rings, dance the dance, and shake the hands, go back to their hotel room and wake up the next morning ready to jet off to the tropical destination that is their honeymoon.  What's funny is that during the course of planning our wedding, I learned that that's not a reality for most couples that get married, young and old.  People told us they had to postpone their honeymoon for money reasons, lack of time, they were closing on their house, they had a kid, or that they just plain wanted to go later.  When the hospital scheduled my kidney transplant for May 3, I knew I was going to be in that club of people who didn't leave for their honeymoon right after the champagne toast, being that our honeymoon was scheduled to take place about a month and a half after my surgery.

I was a little sad about it.  OK...I cried while I was at work....in the hallway.  Someone had to hug me.  I knew people would ask how was the honeymoon or when I was leaving for the honeymoon.  The only answers they would get were "we haven't gone yet" and "next year."  In fact, one time after the wedding, someone said that "I needed to go on my honeymoon."  I responded that I needed to get a kidney transplant instead.   That shut 'em up real fast. 

Greek Beach Days

To be fair though, Ben and I had two mini-moons (or the micro-moon and the mini-moon).  One was at our favorite inn in Virginia and the other was in Sedona and the Grand Canyon.  So, it's not like we were trip-deprived or anything.  But having those two scaled back trips helped us quickly get over the pain of not spending the summer in Greece. And ultimately, postponing our honeymoon gave us something really exciting to look forward to.  

Because we'd essentially been planning our honeymoon for almost two years, this trip had built up a TON of hype in our minds.  We had no choice but to have fun because we'd been waiting for this moment for quite a long while.  Thankfully, Greece exceeded our incredibly high expectations for our honeymoon.  

Now, that I'm back to blogging regularly stay tuned for a bunch of in-depth posts about our trip, more transplant-related stuff (including what it means to work out without any blood cells!) and just the general shenanigans of my life.  

Let me know how your May has been dear readers.

We Got Married: Could, woulda, shoulda

I've mentioned before that I didn't hire a wedding planner.  Ben and I planned our wedding completely on our own, partly because we had a really tight budget, and also because we've known people who have planned incredibly beautiful weddings without professional help.  I've recounted the many trials I had trying to make decisions, get things done, and stay within my budget and also the many victories that we celebrated during the planning process and on the wedding day.  But you know what...I'll be honest, not EVERYTHING was perfect.

FACT:  the most important part, and BEST PART, of the wedding day was actually marrying Ben and saying our vows to each other in front of all the people we love and care about.

FACT:  many of the details that were at our wedding most likely faded out of many of our guests' memories as soon as the sun rose on the day after our big party.

FACT:  I am one of those brides who says "not everything was perfect," and that's OK.  

I've had about eight months to think about it and look at pictures over and over again, and I can now think back on my wedding day and really look what I would have done differently had I known better.  Now, I don't want to get too critical.  I'm just going to point out the main things, the ones that have stuck in my mind since the wedding ended, and even since before the wedding happened.

Looking back, I coulda, woulda, shoulda:

• put more thought into what I wanted the ceremony programs to look like.  My family and I hand made them, and Ben wrote "Ben and Jewel's" wedding on them. And that's what we passed out.  This is really a tiny issue because honestly, I don't think anyone cared.  I barely even care.  But when I think about what I could have done, this is the first thing that comes to my mind.
• started saving for my wedding earlier.  Overall, I'm really happy with the amount of money we spent on our wedding.  At the end of the day, Ben and I spent 15 percent less than the average cost of a DC wedding for 100 people AND we paid for 180 guests.  We paid for half our wedding out of our own pockets. Which apparently is still rare?  Apparently, people still take that whole "the bride's family pays" thing to heart.  Which, in my opinion, doesn't make any sense.  But anyways, the point is, our wedding wasn't expensive by comparison.  But, it would have been nice to pay for our wedding, and  still have some money left over to start saving for another big purchase, like a house.  We've had to start from square one on that. 
• started my DIY projects earlier.  I didn't have many but the few that I did have, I felt like I was rushing to get them done.  During wedding planning, there were a few times where it felt like there was nothing to accomplish really, mostly in the early stages.  Those would have been great times to get a head start on some crafting/printing items, instead of going batS&#t crazy during the last three weeks leading up to the day.
• purchased Ben's suit at a different retailer.  While the final product came out great, I feel like we could have alleviated some of the stress of getting Ben into the perfect suit by just finding another store/designer who could have given us exactly what we wanted exactly when we asked for it, even if it meant paying more money for something a little more high end.
• overrode Ben's choice for the last dance song (The Reason, by Hoobastank).  
• ordered more bouts.  I think I was short about one or two for the men!
• vetted some of my vendors a bit more before hiring them.  Sometimes, my desire to just get things done hinders my ability to determine if something or someone is really the right fit for me.
• ordered a wedding album with my photography package.  Now that I have my wedding pictures, I really just wish I could look at them in a book.  And looking back, why didn't I just order the album?  Yes, there is the sticker shock that comes with comparing the prices of a photography package with an album and one with out.  And during planning I felt like I just couldn't commit any more dollars to that area of the wedding.  But when you factor in the overall cost of everything, is an extra grand really that big of a deal?  I should have figured out a way to shrink costs in other places, even though I really did have the bare minimum in just about every category.

So there you have it.  Those are the top things that I regret/want a do-over on/would change if I could go back in time.  The next wedding I have will hopefully be a vow renewal, and of course not nearly as big.  In fact, it'll probably be in Disney World actually. So maybe I won't have to deal with any of these issues. 

OK enough about regrets.  To end this series on a happy note,  

5 things I would not change about my wedding day and the planning experience:

1. The number of people I invited.  I complained throughout about the cost of having a big wedding, but in the end, it was awesome and fun. I'm a fan of big weddings.
2. The length of time for the open bar.  I thought people would think we were lame for closing the bar during dinner and then opening it up again, then closing it an hour before the reception was over.  It actually worked out fine. I didn't hear any complaints from people.
3. The amount we spent on flowers.  BIGGEST LESSON LEARNED:  real, live flowers are EXPENSIVE.  EX-PENSIVE.  I'm glad I stuck to my guns and my budget, and most importantly found a really great flower vendor to work with.  That goes a loooong way.
4. Choosing to skip fancy transportation.  We saved so much money by just having everyone drive themselves.  
5. Not hiring a wedding videographer.  While planning my wedding, I'd read a couple things about people really regretting their decision to not hire a wedding videographer. Ben's and my budget, didn't allow us the luxury of hiring one.  And this made me sad.  So I prepared myself for the regret and the disappointment in the months following our wedding, when I'd kick myself over and over again for not biting the bullet and blowing some more savings to get a fancy schmancy wedding video.  Well, Ben and I have been married for eight months now. And guess what, I haven't even thought about having a wedding video until now, as I'm writing this blog post. And I'm not even sure I care.  In the past eight months, I have never said "Oh, I wish I could watch a video of my wedding."  

And that's all folks.  I am officially closing the chapter on documenting my wedding.  I just want to say that I love you readers so much.  Thanks for going on this journey with me and letting me talk about "first world problems" like dessert bars and color palettes.  Unless any of you send me specific questions about aspects of my wedding, you probably won't see another post on the big day.  And I'm OK with that. I've realized that my wedding was definitely a great day, up there with some of my best days.  The good news is that since that day ended, I've had several other "best days" come to pass.  And I'm thankful for that.  The wedding is just one day.  A marriage is forever.  And so far, "forever" is pretty awesome.

 

We Got Married-- Seeing Each Other Before the Ceremony

 Welcome to post #3 of the wedding series!  Read on to find out what Ben and I thought about doing a "first look," meeting up to see each other BEFORE the wedding ceremony AND the impact that it's had on our marriage.  Oooo...this is gonna be good.

JEWEL:  What did you think about the idea of doing a first look before we actually did it?

BEN:  I didn’t even know it was a thing that people did. I thought there was just the traditional “you don’t see the bride.” That’s what’s always in the movies. That’s what I saw growing up.  I didn’t know the first look was a thing until I heard it from Vicki, our photographer.  

I would say it was the same for me except since I had been doing research on wedding photography from the very beginning of our engagement, I knew that people did first looks.  So, when Vicki, first suggested that we see each other before the wedding, what was your initial thought and reaction to it?

That’s not what you’re supposed to do!  But she really sold it, you know?  When she actually dove into why it really made a lot of sense, it seemed like something I could get down with.  

I just remember her saying that it would be a really great way to get pictures of us together before the wedding and that it would also cut down on the time that we were doing pictures after the wedding.

I wasn’t so much worried about the time, but one thing she did say, stuck with me. And that was that it’s very difficult to capture the expression on the groom’s face or both the bride’s and the groom’s faces during the big reveal.  A) Because they’re 40 yards apart and B) because they’re in a room full of their peers.  The only way to get that honest reaction is to isolate them and have a private reveal.

JEWEL:  I think I definitely wanted to do it because it seemed like a great time to spend time together before the wedding. If you remember,  we weren’t really together by ourselves after that.   We came together and took our pictures, but then we were around the bridal party, then it was the ceremony and the family pictures.  And then it was the reception. And we did sit by ourselves, but you know the first look was actually one of the few times or the only times that we spent any time together.  

BEN:  That and the wedding night.

Um. Ok. So when you first saw me what was your reaction?

I wasn’t really thinking anything.  I just kind of turned around and there you were all dolled up.  And it was nice. It was a really nice feeling.  There was sort of that moment of realization that, yes,  you got dressed up and, yes,  you woke up and all your buddies were there and you have a purpose in mind.  But it actually doesn’t strike you that it’s your wedding day until you see your fiancé, your bride.

When I first saw you I had a similar reaction.  I wasn’t really thinking anything.

But yeah I can wear a suit any day of the week.  But you don’t exactly see a woman wearing a wedding dress every day.  

That’s true.  And if I was thinking anything it was “Oh! Ben looks nice!”  If I was thinking any thoughts it was probably that.  And I also remember being actually, kind of nervous. I remember being kind of bubbly.

I might have been nervous for a couple of seconds when I was walking there. And I remember feeling hot and sweaty. And there was the back-to-back position we stood in, and your dress felt weird. And I was like, this is scratchy! How is she putting up with this?!  Because your poof was pressed up against my legs! There were a couple of brief moments of nerves.  But to have those out before the ceremony actually made the ceremony a more enjoyable experience.

Yeah, I’d say so, too.

I knew what to expect. And that’s that you weren’t going to come down the aisle a hot mess.  I wasn’t nervous. Everything was good.

JEWEL:  What impact do you feel like us seeing each other before the wedding had on the ceremony?

BEN:  I wouldn’t say that at any moment I was nerve-wrecked.  But if there were any nerves, the first look helped make everything a more enjoyable experience.  I wasn’t worried about anything.  I was pretty sure you were going to show up.

Pretty sure? Hmm.

Because you don’t want to waste money.  But yeah, it just made everything go smoothly. I was happy to get our pictures done before the second round with all the family.  

For the ceremony, I still felt nervous.  But it was mostly about walking down the aisle and seeing you, and I didn’t want to look you straight in the eye, even though we had just seen each other.  But for me, the first look didn’t really change anything. I was still really happy to see you and get married and I feel like the first look made me a little more relaxed during the ceremony.  Maybe even too relaxed?

Had you been drinking?

No!  I guess at the ceremony I felt like it was just you and me standing up there even though there were all these people around us.

I don’t know if the first look caused that.  I think it probably helped you get rid of any remaining nerves about us being up there together, though. And as far you being nervous about falling all over yourself and being worried about that, well that’s just, you know, your own personal issues.

JEWEL:  There is the tradition that says it’s  bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day, before the ceremony takes place.  Have you seen any signs of bad luck?

BEN:  Cats are bad luck.

Cats ARE bad luck.

I’m not that superstitious, so I’m really not worried about that.  The tradition was just somebody who once said the bride and groom shouldn’t see each other because that will make it more special. And that just kind of evolved into the modern day tradition. And that’s fine.  It’s special in its own way.  But it can also be special an hour or two earlier.

I haven’t really seen any signs that we’re headed for doom in our marriage because we saw each other before the wedding.

No, the doom is for other reasons. Not because of that.

 

We Got Married: Music to My Ears

Selecting the playlist for our DJ and our set of songs for the wedding ceremony was truly a labor of love.  Ben and I felt that the music was going to either make or break the wedding day.  So we chose each song carefully, strategically avoiding most of those "HERE'S WHAT YOU SHOULD PLAY AT YOUR WEDDING" lists.  Not that there's anything wrong with those lists! But we didn't want to consult them too much.  I guess this was our way of putting a little originality into the wedding since I am lacking in the crafting and DIY project area.  

All of these songs are my favorite songs! I loved the song that I walked down the aisle to. I went with this lesser known "Twilight" song after leaning heavily toward picking Christina Perry's amazing "1000 Years."   My dad and I decided to skip the sentimental father-daughter slow jam and went for, perhaps a more controversial selection:  an upbeat R. Kelly song.  And no, it's not what you think (see below)!  

And Ben and I kept it classy...soulful and classy for our first dance.  If you are alive and have been alive for more than five minutes, chances are you're familiar with Al Green's perfect ode to long-lasting love and relationships.  Picking our first dance song was the easiest decision we made.  I've been in love with "Let's Stay Together" since before I was with Ben.  Obviously, there have been a lot of love songs that have hit the radio stations since "Let's Stay Together" came out.  But what drew us to Al Green's song was the fact that it has stood the test of time. I think everyone can relate to the message.  Just look at the title of the song.  Come on?  You can't get any better than that for a first dance song on somebody's WEDDING DAY.   

Anyways, if you need a Valentine's Day playlist,  these songs will be a good start.   I hope you enjoy these selections from our wedding day. 

"Turning Page"  Sleeping At Last

walking down the aisle

"Immanuel, God with Us" Citipointe

performed by a friend, after communion

"Step in the Name of Love"  R. Kelly

father-daughter dance

"Let's Stay Together" Al Green

Our first dance :)

We Got Married: Planning Posts Updated

I am so excited to share our wedding day with y'all!  I never thought that I would be one of those people who had a "wedding blog."  Before getting engaged and even for the first few six months or so, it all seemed just kind of silly.  People get married every day, every hour probably.  So what makes my wedding planning process so interesting and so special that it needs a blog post?  Other than the fact that it was inconveniently happening while my kidneys were failing.  It's not like I had ton of money and was planning some big wedding with champagne fountains and booking guest appearances from Mickey Mouse or Beyonce.  I WISH. 

In my first few posts on wedding planning, I talked about our desserts, our invitations, our bridesmaids dresses, and marriage counseling.  We didn't bother taking any pictures of our marriage counseling session.  So sorry, but no, you will not get to see me rolling my eyes or Ben smirking at various comments about who's the better communicator and who's better with money.  

But if you remember I told you how excited I was about our invitations!  We wanted our invitations to indicate to people that we were having a big party, not just a wedding, but a party to celebrate the culmination of a stressful year.  Our designer totally did her thang.  

Working with our invitation designer was incredibly easy.  What wasn't easy?  Bridesmaids dresses.  I told you that I tried too hard to find something that the girls would be able to wear over and over again, and also be able to purchase at the mall.  Sometimes dresses without that "bridesmaid" label on them tend to come cheaper than they would if bought at a wedding salon.  Having to hassle people about getting their bridesmaids dresses and then asking them to pay a ton of money was one of my least favorite parts of planning the wedding. However, I'm happy to say, that I was incredibly happy with the final product!

If you remember Ben and I put off a few key wardrobe elements:  the veil and his suit.  Procrastinating on these items was kind of unintentional.  I'm cheap and am not going to spend a sh&*load of money on a piece of tulle to put on top of my head.  And Ben and I weren't about to walk out of the Jos. A. Bank without a suit that didn't make him look perfect on our wedding day.  Without further ado:

And a picture of my handsome husband in the RIGHT suit!!

And a picture of my flower girl, who was basically my twin!

I haven't mastered the ability to upload a billion hi-res images onto my blog yet.  Luckily, some of Vicki's wonderful photos of our wedding were featured on The Knot for your viewing pleasure.

Stay tuned...next week's post (my favorite) is on some of the big songs we used in our wedding!

The Wedding Series

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.  

Emily Brontë

Vicki Grafton Photography

 Coming Monday

Wedding Recap: The Best Rehearsal Dinner Ever...Probably

Finaaaalllly getting around to doing the first serious wedding recap since Ben and I got married.  Man....it's hard being tied down!  No time for anything...not even blog posts.  I'm just kidding.  Really I'm just trying to get caught up on all the stuff I'd been meaning to do while I was sick and while I was planning the wedding.  Think:  Never ending to-do lists.  Also, Ben and I have been semi hard at work planning our mini-moon (more on that lata).  But I digress...

A word about rehearsal dinners for the people who've never been to one: 

• this is a dinner that typically follows the rehearsal for wedding ceremony;
• but nowadays it doesn't even really have to be a dinner--it could be a breakfast, a lunch, a brunch;
• and it doesn't have to be AFTER the wedding ceremony rehearsal--it can be before;
• usually all the people who are participating in the ceremony are invited to the dinner;
• and you can include out of town guests or other special people as well;
• traditionally, the groom's family hosts the dinner.

In January, I approached Ben.  My parents had already taken over much of the responsibility for the wedding reception, and I had taken over a lot of the planning, so naturally, I thought Ben could use something else to do.  A special task that he could get involved in.  Enter, rehearsal dinner.  

Now, about five years ago, Ben's brother got married and they had a rehearsal dinner.  I didn't attend, but Ben seemed to really like it. Ben's family hosted it at their house, and they have a HUGE yard, and there was BBQ, and there was supposed to be a bonfire. But my brother-in-law's wedding happened to fall on the weekend that a hurricane blew into town.  So I don't think there was a bonfire.  For our dinner, Ben really wanted to recreate the same feel.  And I liked that idea too.  So the next step was to go...on Pinterest, and create an inspiration board.  This is what we do now.  This is how we do things.  Note:  I have not been on Pinterest since June 13, 2013.  

My board for the rehearsal dinner consisted of pictures like this:  

And this:

And this!

After all the pictures were collected, I hit "send" and emailed them to Ben's mom.  Before I dive into the real rehearsal dinner, I want to say that the best thing about this dinner was that I didn't have to plan anything for it.  Yes, it was great to see family members. And yes, it was really nice to see my Pinterest pictures jump off the page and scream "We're here! We're really here!"  But by the time the day before the wedding arrived, I was just so thankful to Jesus that I didn't have to do one single thing for this dinner, except invite people.  Thank you God for in-laws and casual pre-wedding gatherings.  

OK so I bring to you a brief look at our rehearsal dinner!  Ben really wanted an outdoor, casual, barbecue picnic.  I wanted the Pinterest board.  And oui la`! 

The tent in the Ashman yard

Inside the Tent

Flowers by my sister-in-law, Crystal

Beauti-mous!  And so perfect.  This is the "eating tent."  You can see there's the checkerboard picnic table cloth and there are pots on the table with flowers grown by Ben's mom and niece.  As Sean Kingston would say, my "face dropped" when I walked in and saw what Ben's family had done with this tent. 

Picture taken by Sydney

Near the eating tent, my brother-in-law and his wife loaned us the same tent that they used for food during their rehearsal dinner, and it worked perfectly.  Piles and piles of barbecue, and corn bread that made probably everyone "slap their mommas" sat on this table.  

Picture taken by Sydney

 

Before the people arrived

Here is one of the drink sections.  We also had bins and bins of beer (don't judge us; we like to party). But the cool thing about this table, if you can see it, is there are a bunch of mason jars with straws attached to them.  

I found this on Pinterest

Like Pinterest!  OK I promise, that's it.  But Ben's brother MADE these.  I'm so happy that the wedding is over so that now Ben and I will have more time to make awesome things, like THIS.  

And the most important part of the dinner:  the people!

 

 





 

There was also a bonfire and lots of kids running around and tons of laughter and S'mores and cornbread and parents and jars and...wow I need to calm down!   We have lots more pictures to share of this event.  But in all of them you'll see what Ben and I already knew:

• That Ben's family, my in-law family, really dedicated a lot of themselves to making this event the great dinner that it was.  Seriously, I don't know one person who had a bad time;
• That Pinterest dreams DO come true; and
• That Ben's family is God sent because if Ben and I had to plan this rehearsal dinner, there's a good chance it would have been at Pizza Hut.  Wait...do people even go to Pizza Hut anymore?  We don't, so I don't know why I said that.  If Ben and I had to plan the rehearsal dinner it would have been at the park near our apartment.  And it would have been BYOF, as in bring your own food.  But there probably would have been mason jars, because those are pretty cheap.  But they wouldn't have had straws.  Or ice.