We Got Married: Music to My Ears

Selecting the playlist for our DJ and our set of songs for the wedding ceremony was truly a labor of love.  Ben and I felt that the music was going to either make or break the wedding day.  So we chose each song carefully, strategically avoiding most of those "HERE'S WHAT YOU SHOULD PLAY AT YOUR WEDDING" lists.  Not that there's anything wrong with those lists! But we didn't want to consult them too much.  I guess this was our way of putting a little originality into the wedding since I am lacking in the crafting and DIY project area.  

All of these songs are my favorite songs! I loved the song that I walked down the aisle to. I went with this lesser known "Twilight" song after leaning heavily toward picking Christina Perry's amazing "1000 Years."   My dad and I decided to skip the sentimental father-daughter slow jam and went for, perhaps a more controversial selection:  an upbeat R. Kelly song.  And no, it's not what you think (see below)!  

And Ben and I kept it classy...soulful and classy for our first dance.  If you are alive and have been alive for more than five minutes, chances are you're familiar with Al Green's perfect ode to long-lasting love and relationships.  Picking our first dance song was the easiest decision we made.  I've been in love with "Let's Stay Together" since before I was with Ben.  Obviously, there have been a lot of love songs that have hit the radio stations since "Let's Stay Together" came out.  But what drew us to Al Green's song was the fact that it has stood the test of time. I think everyone can relate to the message.  Just look at the title of the song.  Come on?  You can't get any better than that for a first dance song on somebody's WEDDING DAY.   

Anyways, if you need a Valentine's Day playlist,  these songs will be a good start.   I hope you enjoy these selections from our wedding day. 

"Turning Page"  Sleeping At Last

walking down the aisle

"Immanuel, God with Us" Citipointe

performed by a friend, after communion

"Step in the Name of Love"  R. Kelly

father-daughter dance

"Let's Stay Together" Al Green

Our first dance :)

Things Remembered

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

~C.S. Lewis

I was staggering about in my company's "pantry," the employee lounge that's filled with free coffee and tea dispensers and rows of snacks that would rival any 7 Eleven and Whole Foods check-out counter.  I needed gluten-free chocolate chip cookies, then a pack of Gushers and of course a straw for my covered cup of hot water.  I dipped in between pairs of people standing around, talking about their days up to that point, and football. I carefully stepped in between a man and a woman--a woman who, with concern in her voice, was asking "How are you?  How was dialysis today?" 

I had already walked away from them to put my stash on my table. But I did what a very nosy Jewel would do and walked back up and stood very close to the couple, pretending to grab a pack of barbecue Pop Chips.  I pretended to grab other things too, like packets of sunflower seeds, another bag of gluten free cookies, while sneakily pulling tidbits from this man's and woman's conversation.  Like a cat, I was waiting for my time to strike, to jump in and show him our commonalities.  To show him that even though he is a middle aged, white man and I'm a young, black woman, that we share something.  We both know what it's like when our bodies fail us. We both know what it's like when someone tells you that you need something, and you don't have any control over when or how you'll get it.  

Several more "fake" trips up to the grocery aisles of my job's employee lounge, the man and woman finally end their conversation. And I take my shot.  

"I'm sorry but...did you just say you were on dialysis?"

From the moment the question left my mouth, we were engaged in such a lively conversation you would have thought we were old friends.  Anyone walking in would have said, "Wow, they seem to have a lot in common.  They must know each other well."  The truth was that I didn't know him before that day.  Yet somehow, after I asked my question and he answered, it was as if we knew a whole lot about each other.  

We exchanged disease explanations and kidney functions.  I gave him some tips on getting a donor set up as quickly as possible.  I told him about my transplant.  I told him about my doctors and my hospital.  We made plans to have lunch together.  

Ten months ago, I was walking around in that same pantry, grabbing what was probably my fifth cup of coffee for the day.  I was exhausted. I looked exhausted.  Dull. Bored.  Unhappy.  Ill.  And some might say lifeless.  And I would walk into work every day wishing that I wasn't there.  Or even wishing that someone could just just know automatically what I was going through so I wouldn't have to explain it to them.  That way I wouldn't have to answer a billion "Are you OK?" questions throughout the day.  No, I'm not OK, was what I wanted to say all the time.  But I didn't say that because, when you have a chronic illness, sometimes it's just not worth getting into with someone who might not even be able to relate.  

I hope that I was that person for my new friend from the pantry. I hope that I was the person who can relate.  The person for whom you don't have to explain everything to.  I hope that I was the person who just gets it already.  

I wonder if he knows that he was that person for me.  I'm nearly a year out of transplant and technically, I don't have kidney disease anymore.  It was still such a blessing to meet someone who just gets it without me having to explain it to him.

My new friend from work has kidney disease and is currently on dialysis.  

Like me, he needs a kidney transplant. 

 If you or anyone else you might know is interested in becoming a living donor, feel free to leave a comment on this post or email me at jeweledwardsdc@gmail.com.

We Got Married: Planning Posts Updated

I am so excited to share our wedding day with y'all!  I never thought that I would be one of those people who had a "wedding blog."  Before getting engaged and even for the first few six months or so, it all seemed just kind of silly.  People get married every day, every hour probably.  So what makes my wedding planning process so interesting and so special that it needs a blog post?  Other than the fact that it was inconveniently happening while my kidneys were failing.  It's not like I had ton of money and was planning some big wedding with champagne fountains and booking guest appearances from Mickey Mouse or Beyonce.  I WISH. 

In my first few posts on wedding planning, I talked about our desserts, our invitations, our bridesmaids dresses, and marriage counseling.  We didn't bother taking any pictures of our marriage counseling session.  So sorry, but no, you will not get to see me rolling my eyes or Ben smirking at various comments about who's the better communicator and who's better with money.  

But if you remember I told you how excited I was about our invitations!  We wanted our invitations to indicate to people that we were having a big party, not just a wedding, but a party to celebrate the culmination of a stressful year.  Our designer totally did her thang.  

Working with our invitation designer was incredibly easy.  What wasn't easy?  Bridesmaids dresses.  I told you that I tried too hard to find something that the girls would be able to wear over and over again, and also be able to purchase at the mall.  Sometimes dresses without that "bridesmaid" label on them tend to come cheaper than they would if bought at a wedding salon.  Having to hassle people about getting their bridesmaids dresses and then asking them to pay a ton of money was one of my least favorite parts of planning the wedding. However, I'm happy to say, that I was incredibly happy with the final product!

If you remember Ben and I put off a few key wardrobe elements:  the veil and his suit.  Procrastinating on these items was kind of unintentional.  I'm cheap and am not going to spend a sh&*load of money on a piece of tulle to put on top of my head.  And Ben and I weren't about to walk out of the Jos. A. Bank without a suit that didn't make him look perfect on our wedding day.  Without further ado:

And a picture of my handsome husband in the RIGHT suit!!

And a picture of my flower girl, who was basically my twin!

I haven't mastered the ability to upload a billion hi-res images onto my blog yet.  Luckily, some of Vicki's wonderful photos of our wedding were featured on The Knot for your viewing pleasure.

Stay tuned...next week's post (my favorite) is on some of the big songs we used in our wedding!

The Wedding Series

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.  

Emily Brontë

Vicki Grafton Photography

 Coming Monday

Go Bloggy, It's Ya Birthday...

OK so I know I'm late, about 15 days. But if it hadn't been for the "lost week" then maybe I would have made it on time instead of having to celebrate this milestone belatedly.

If you've had enough of my vague references...IT'S MY BLOG'S BIRTHDAY!  

Happy Birthday 

"Love in the Time of Transplant!"  

You are OFFICIALLY one-year old.  I guess that makes you a toddler, right?

As a writer and as someone who just assumes that people want to read about my life,  I've started quite a few blogs over the past five or six years.  All of them died in their infancy, fizzling out after about a month and maybe one or two posts.  For some blogs I was only able to fill out an "About Me" section stating how excited I was to share a certain aspect of my life, my experiences, adventures and thoughts.   I invested so much effort into creating the perfect layout and description for the blog that I suppose I exhausted all of the excitement and energy that I should have used to, oh, I don't know, write an actual blog post. It was actually my husband (always him) who encouraged me to start this blog and to see where it takes me.  

When I experience something, be it big (like a kidney transplant or a wedding) or small (like a stupid common cold) I immediately want to write about it.  This is the case for all writers I suppose.  After our first meeting with the transplant coordinator, as sad and unfortunate as it was to have to talk about surgery and knives and expensive health care, I couldn't help but think that the experience would make a funny story because Ben and I were starving during that meeting!  I love reading that blog post, my first one.  Really, it's such a great summary of how this entire year and experience with kidney failure, my family and my husband has been.  There's always been something to smile about and laugh at, even when what we were dealing with was really no laughing matter.  And for that, I am grateful.

Not every post I have written has a funny angle.  There are plenty of sad ones.  Strangely enough, many of those posts are the ones I'm most proud of.  When I started this blog I had no idea what it would turn into, what other types of things I would write.  But as I wrote more and more, I realized that I didn't just want my blog to show the "funny side" of things or the silver linings, or the times when I was being optimistic or positive or hopeful.  I read a lot of blogs like that and I love them for what they are. I truly do love looking at life in the best way possible and trying to make the best out of things.  But I also believe in what's real. I believe that sometimes...life f*&ck$% SUCKS.  And that you don't always feel good about what's going on in your life.  And that's OK.   If you've ever gone through something terrible and had someone tell you to "stay positive" then you know what I'm talking about.  Sometimes, you just don't feel like doing that at that second!  And that's OK!  Some people may not agree with me but I totally encourage pity parties, alone or with friends or family members...or brownies.

I've also loved all of the posts I've written about my faith.  I didn't intend to turn this space into a "Christian blog" or anything like that.  Not because I didn't want to make anyone feel like they couldn't read it because they're not Christian.  Mostly because, I am not the "perfect" Christian I guess you can say.  I curse in many of my posts. Ben and I were shackin' up before marriage.  I don't immediately go to the WORD when I'm feeling a certain negative way about things.  I didn't want people to look at me and say "Oh, she's a Christian and she's doing this and that."  But, I can't control other people and what they think. I can't control what you the readers think either.  But I love you nonetheless. And I love God. And I know that "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  I write about my faith not because I'm trying to change people.  Only God can do that. But I like sharing what I learned in church or during my private study, and how God saved me and has done so much for me in my life.  He's the reason I can write to you today and say "Hey! I had a kidney transplant! And it worked! Huzzah!"

Anyways, one-year of writing, sharing, and being real.  I love this blog. I'm grateful that other people love it too.  Thank you readers.  I guess I'll keep going.  

To Celebrate LITOT's 1st Birthday, Revisit the TOP 5 MOST READ Posts from the Past Year!

When Your Fiance Gets a Transplant   
This makes my heart happy :) Y'all loved this amazing post from my husband, who is an awesome AWESOME writer.  I really need to get him to write more.  Please help me convince him!

 The Best Rehearsal Dinner Ever...Probably
I guess everyone really wanted to know how our rehearsal dinner went!  Or...you were scanning for wedding information :) Don't worry...I've got wedding recaps coming Feb. 3.

10 Things, One Tube 
One of my favorite "list posts."  I'm glad so many people wanted to know what life was like with a tube coming out of my stomach...a.k.a. a peritoneal dialysis catheter.

The Best Thing About My Dialysis Appointment Was Krispy Kreme 

 This was one of the longest posts I've written, I think.  So many of you took in my thoughts on learning about dialysis and then nursing my broken heart with Krispy Kreme.

Mini-Moon and a Blogcation
Surprisingly, a lot of people read my last post before my first vacation post-transplant.  I can't wait to see how many of you read about Greece (3 months til departure)!!