Three

I read an excellent blog post about kidney transplants. I think the first paragraph describes how I feel about all of this, now that I’ve completed three years with a transplant and am entering my fourth:

“A kidney transplant is a treatment, not a cure.”

I didn't fully understand what that means until this year, when I was in my doctor’s office and he was explaining all the ways to treat my first rejection episode.  I’ll never forget that when it was revealed I was having rejection, a very acute episode, nobody seemed to panic. Nobody seemed worried. The doctors and my nurse didn’t balk at the fact that I was planning to leave the country for Zika-infested lands, twice. I think someone even asked me if I was still trying to have children.  Cue MASSIVE side eye

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I now realize that no one was really shocked because these things happen.  As my transplant nephrologist put it, transplanted organs are very sensitive and they don’t always act the way we want them to. 

Last year, in the months leading up to the second anniversary with my kidney, I was an emotional mess.  My kidney function and creatinine were all over the place. My blood pressure was crazy. And I wanted to get everything PERFECT because I wanted to have a baby.  Fast-forward to this year: my creatinine is still all over the place. My blood pressure is still crazy. And I’m being treated for my first rejection episode.  But something’s changed with my mindset.  After my miscarriage, I FINALLY realized that there is no point in worrying about things that I truly cannot control.  I now feel the same way as my doctors. Stuff happens. It’s a fact of life.

Going into my fourth year, I have one expectation and hope.  I want to make it to May 3, 2017 without going into kidney failure again.  Living with a transplant is a numbers game for me.  Every year with a kidney that isn’t failing, is a victory.