"Goin to the chapel:" When I told a friend of mine that Ben and I were finally setting the line up of our wedding music, he asked if we'd be employing that celebrated and classic tune by The Shirelles in the ceremony. It's funny because the place where we're getting married really is a chapel. No doubt that will be playing during the ride up to the ceremony on the wedding day. Instead of that, the night before, my dad (the man from whom I inherited my love for music, specifically classical and jazz) and I did a listening session to find some great songs to play for every part of the ceremony. Now, at the chapel, they have some rules about what kind of music you can play for weddings: they prefer classical or religious, but will give you one or two breaks on contemporary music as long as it's instrumental. For the moms, the bridal party and the recessional, it's all classical. And for my march down the aisle, we're doing a contemporary song. And Ben's dear friend Kyle has agreed to sing during our communion ceremony. For Kyle's song, Ben and I went through a TON of options. We wanted to choose a song that really hit at the heart of how we feel about our faith and the role that it will play in our marriage and lives together. We go to an awesome church near where we live and they always have the BEST music; the worship team performs songs written by other popular Christian groups. We've been going there for over a year so we had a lot of songs to choose from. The tough part: reaching a consensus. Since it's worship music, not every person responds the same way to each song. And Ben and I are so different already, I'm sure it's not a surprise that Ben and I couldn't agree on a song that we liked until...now. I won't be revealing the song that Kyle's singing on here, but it's from the band, Citipointe.
Ceremony....done? Almost! Order that the bridal party is going to walk in on? Check! Music? Check! Marriage workshop? Completed! Communion accessories? Ordered! Readings? Almost done! Vows? Not started. Eh, we're getting there. Ben and I still need to have the discussion about the flow of the vows, so that they're not crazy different. But other than that, after this week, I think it's safe to say we can put the ceremony on the back burner until May when we'll probably make some last minute tweaks.
Upcoming Project-- the Pre-Wedding: Or as most people call it, the rehearsal dinner. We're not going to spend too much time on this portion of the wedding weekend because A) it's going to be very casual; and B) it just naturally shouldn't take 9 months to plan a rehearsal dinner. So the goal is, by March 15 to have a confirmation on tent/table/seating vendors, and food. We already put together a guest list. Once we confirm the other two things we'll get to work on the rehearsal dinner invites. I'm really excited about this aspect of the wedding because Ben's dad has agreed to host it on his property. He has a lot of land and Ben and I are hoping to have a backyard (or is it front yard?) BBQ, with a bonfire. I love bonfires. I think that's one thing I'm really looking forward to about becoming an Ashman: enjoying bonfires. My family doesn't have a pit or much land so I was never able to live out my dream of enjoying bonfires...until now.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little bit distracted while writing this post. I'm thinking about how this time last year I had no clue that I was about to get proposed to. I'm also thinking about how just a few weeks ago I'd been scared about having my transplant so soon, but then also optimistic that I'd be having it now, at this moment, this week. I'm also thinking about how I really want to just take advantage of every day. When you're planning a wedding everything involves looking ahead to that one day, or the days beyond that one day. Everything I'm doing is so that June 15 will run smoothly and be beautiful and fun and romantic. Sometimes I think, what if I don't make it until June 15? I know that's morbid but come on, this really is a life or death situation and it's not like I'm having these thoughts on purpose because I'm some hipster or trying to come up with material for a good novel. This is my life! These are my thoughts! I think about death and living and the wedding. Growing up, people would focus so much on telling kids to think positive and "turning frowns upside down" that I worry we're avoiding teaching them how to actually DEAL with stuff. The way I deal is to acknowledge that yes, I am scared and I do worry about dying before the wedding. It's OK to have feelings...negative feelings even.
Anyways, with all this focus on June 15, and then my dying/dead kidneys, I've been wanting to take more and more time to just be in the moment of every day. And not even do like a bucket-listy adventure or anything but just enjoy the simple things. Sometimes I do something for the wedding, other times I play "Surprise Kitty" with the cat. And I let myself play it for 15 minutes. I've decided to stop beating myself up if I skip a wedding Wednesday to veg out on the couch with Ben. I'm grateful that I have something to look forward to, whether it's June 15 or Feb. 27, or 28, or March 1. I'm excited for all those days, and every extra day that I get.
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